Notice of Interruption:
I texted this am and said I think our conversation today deserves to be in person, if you can spare time later. Seems too congenial given last night you know? What I find so hard to believe is his degree turnaround in his treatment of me lately and knowing I have done nothing to deserve it, causes me the exact hurt he is feeling from her. How could he inflict that on me?? You MUST walk now! The first 3 months were the honeymoon period as with my ex -bf and then after that you keep trying to recapture the guy that sucked you under and he is not the same.
You deserve so much more…. I finally realized I do too! This guy has some serious baggage right now. That he knows that and wants to deal with it is to his credit. I always likened it to seeing pig fly. There are pigs out there, just flying around, and around, and around.
Give him some time and space to let him work on himself. Give him the gift of sorting out his own problems on his own time. Well we are broken up and my heart is just shredded. Could he see getting bank with me when he feels happy about himself? There was so much good that those memories are suffocating me. I told him it was suspect we break up and same time as she returns and for now seems to be cordial with him. She is a narc I know just from the detailed stories so I know SHE wants something other than wanting harmony….
He truly has never made any real references to our future ie no future faking. So for him to say that to me want the world— and 2 weeks later we break up?? Try to establish what your own limits are. Grace-I know you are right, I need to know when to draw that line for myself.
Why am I so hesitant to do that…. Stop martyring yourself for this man. Forget him and his ridiculous issues with the narc ex and go out and find a man who will actually appreciate the wonderful woman he is actually WITH. It has to be related to her— she is seeking something from him and he is prob going to go back and think she will not abuse him this time.
What gets me is I asked him straight up for the truth, just tell me!! Just really hard to feel good about myself if being a good person doesnt matter…. You have to stop being concerned with him, and be concerned with yourself. What he did was not very nice. Time to think about what he did to you. Hey Mary, just so you know, what happened has nothing to do with you. Whatever this guy is telling you, it just reeks of BS. I understand how hurt you are and these painful situations can make you obsess on all kinds of stuff and the why, why, why?
Whether he is or not, ask yourself where is his empathy for you? I am not going to tell you what to do, but that you are in the state you are in over this guy speaks volumes. That you are here at BR is great. Start reading, you sound like you might need some boundary work. Take care of yourself first and get out of the crazymaking cycle by focusing on you. I wish you peace, you are going to be ok. Thank you Allison and Lucky Charms! I know I absolutely need to look at my own co dependency and stop fixating on him and the whys.
But I do know that. Mary You have decided that his ex is a narcissist, seemingly based purely on what he has told you. For example; he gave her the house when he left, and got nothing. And he paid no child support, ever. See what I mean? People lie and tell half truths.
You are WAY too invested in this mans previous relationship. If that was the main thing you bonded over analysing her then, by definition, once he is over her then your role in his life is finished. Hi mymble, I appreciate your experience— but I have had many interactions with a number of others via him they all know each other thru a large business enterprise and the consensus is unanimous- she is a narcissist. What he chooses to do now is not my concern. Yeah, I was harboring the fantasy that, after a certain age, divorced men are less suspect than someone who has been eternally single.
And that was soothing, strangely. I would like to share my life with someone, though. I identify with your lack of interest in dating anyone. I feel the same way. I prefer to be on my own than to make the mistake of investing in the wrong person and wasting my time. Taking care of myself and spending quality time with my well-wishers is satisfying.
I see no point in dating someone unless he truly enriches my life. It has been five months since my break-up with Mr. I feel nothing for him, except regret for trusting him, regret for not picking up on his lies, and regret for giving him my time, care, and attention. I am unable and unwilling to trust as easily as I did in the past. My tolerance for emotional manipulation is low — and I doubt that I will share my gentle, caring side with anyone again. Even with new-found friends, I am choosing to be cautious. This is just the way things are for me for now.
I feel good about putting myself first for a change and ensuring that nothing and nobody may distract me from my goals.
Life is too short and too precious to squander it on unreliable people. Ladies you have summed up exactly how I feel. Do I care now no. There are too many broken men out there and I am not the 6th emergency rescue service behind the police, ambulance, fire, AA and RAC! Red flag and then it clicked he was sleeping with his ex 6 years on so cue flush. Another single never married guy admitted he was selfish, played the date down as a friendship thing then wondered why he was single… again cue flush. The last date was with a man who was eventually exposed as a player and when he backed off after one date and gave me the friendship card I flushed.
The pool of available men once you are over 50 is dire. Most men have gone to seed and expect attractive women who look after themselves to be interested.
‘Time’ isn’t the only factor when considering dating a separated or recently divorced person
So now I have my hobbies, cats a good life and am content. People say I may be swept off my feet but my head rules my heart these days to avoid the BShitting chancers out there. I have been through enough pain to let a man close to then be messed about and if I spend my life alone so be it.
There are worse things than that. Add me in also. Even with the good ones. Wow, thanks to all of you, especially Fiesty.
Recently Divorced Dating | 8 FAQs for Divorced Guys
This is exactly how I feel. I am coming up on 1 yr. No interest in dating or a relationship.
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What you said about your BS radar and the just plain unattractive qualities either mentally or physically. I would rather be alone with my pug than have to endure another guy and all the BS that comes out of their mouths. I have no interest in dating. The hold us to some high, unreasonable standard but expect us to keep them to the lowest standard possible. How have we wound up with a global society of emotionally stunted, immature men who are well past the age of such sad excuses? I give a bit of rope to the young some-odd male, but I hold a grown man to a higher standard and yet he behaves no differently sometimes worse than his younger counterparts.
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I know I sound like a broken record and frankly I will keep saying it even if it falls on deaf ears: We are responsible for our part in all of this too.